ReflectionPaperHere

During this course, my journaling outlook and writing has, as expected, changed at least a bit. Before this course, I did not consider myself as someone who writes in a journal since it was an infrequent task. My only experience journaling was during travels, since I would like to remember and read about these experiences in ten years or more, or maybe I won’t care by then. I also wrote in a journal regularly, and for hours sometimes, when my aunt passed away from kidney failure from a hereditary kidney disorder. While she continued to drink and smoke to her death at 60 years old, I’ve become somewhat of a straightedge mixed with a Santa Barbaraian hippie: non-alcoholic (90% of the time), smoke-free, free-range, organic, non-GMO, hormone-free, superfood nut. On a college student budget though, so there are plenty of days buying pesticide perfect apples, and antibiotic injected chicken. I probably learned the most from this journal of emotional explosions, especially about my tendency to over-react, but from this class, I learned more about what it means to genuinely study and appreciate writing and how to help your writing improve by learning a bit about yourself on the way through journaling.

When we read journals to compare and contrast different themes and techniques, and then shared what we learned, that was very effective. From listening to what everyone said, I was able to understood more about how different journals can be, and that my personal journal could be anything. It meant a lot that my journal could be about car mechanics, ideas and feelings, projects that I’m working on, or I could keep multiple journals for different things like I did for my adventure times and emotional times. If I wanted to, I could draw in my journal, or write upside-down, which makes sense for a personal journal, but I would still get confused with keeping it academic. The freedom of not having to meet any criteria was an amazing feeling, but not too common in college writing. The Bones book was also a huge contributor to this feeling since we learned that it’s completely all right to get out anything that is stuck in your brain before you get to the part you want to write about, and that choosing a topic is also okay to practice writing.

In my opinion, my writing has progressed from this course through adding more of my own personal voice or tone. At the beginning of the class, I still had a strong internal need to keep my writing, even in my personal journal, academic. That meant everything was punctuated, grammatically correct, or corrected if it was “wrong,” but slowly the rules and regulations became less and less important, even with the structure of writing line after line. I also became less afraid about writing about the really personal parts of my life and thoughts. My journal themes were sexuality, freedom and death, which are universal even though not everyone experiences freedom as we think of it in American society, but there can be freedom from your own judgmental thoughts, fear, or whatever it is holding you back. As my writing slowly developed, so did my reading skills, which started off impersonal, but I began to read by really “listening” to what the author was saying as if they were an actual person talking, which they are actual people, but not seeing them disconnects me. There’s definitely a way that I usually cut off when reading that makes it less relatable or able to view the writing as artwork, and I’m sure that comes from learning to read to get it done, analyze and memorize rather than appreciating it and feeling any emotion from it.

One reading that stood out the most in this class was the “Biscuit Manufacture,” which majority of people loved, but I could not stand it at first. I had an extreme anger at the way that it made this biscuit company appear as if it was amazing, but it was far from it. The company exploited people’s weaknesses that they found after studying them, took advantage of them, and encouraged unhealthy eating and spending on biscuits. Then we later read something about reading like a writer, and I thought, "I didn’t do this for the biscuit reading!" I just read and reacted. The reaction definitely comes from the overly dramatic outlook I have on healthy eating habits, but I now appreciate this reading as a piece of art that someone was able to write so much detail about biscuits. De Button really researched the company and it’s employees, and how they felt about the work they were doing, which is an important lesson for everyone. That takes a lot of dedication and passion to writing a well-documented piece on biscuits.

As far as thinking goes, it’s always developing, and that’s one great thing about Antioch and this course, it encourages you to reflect on yourself and your outlooks. This writing class helped me develop more in the area of sharing my thoughts with others, which can be a scary task since your opinions might clash with someone else’s, but that’s normal and actually healthy. I found that people in this class were very open and encouraging, which creates a safe environment to share and agree or disagree. Some journal assignments during class, specifically the one where everyone went out in groups to observe, was important in learning to think about and observe a single thing for a period of time instead of jumping around from sound to sound or whatever it is that is happening around you. Too often, my thoughts are scrambled and jumping from subject to subject, but having the emphasis on focusing on a single thing for a long period of time really helped me slow down to an extent. I also noticed that my outlook on reading has improved, and I have actually enjoyed some reading this quarter, whereas I never looked forward to reading since high school unless it was about a topic that I enjoyed, like dinosaurs and their anatomy, minerals and gemstones or psychology.

Journaling has helped me grieve, remember, let out unconventional thoughts and feelings, and notice details like the circle and striped fabric on the chairs in Antioch’s lobby, or the dead flies on the windowsill, poor flies. Journaling regularly decreased my stress, which was surprising because I thought I would be stressed about remembering to journal, but I ended up looking forward to it and I hope I make the time for it after this quarter. While I think I took away a lot from this class, I really “got” being open and attentive, which might seem like it doesn’t relate to reading and writing, but it does because you can’t write without exposing a part of yourself. It is too easy to just be present in class, and sit through it to get it done, but to genuinely listen to your classmates is more difficult, and I mean listen to them to the point where you actually care about them. I hope you all are doing well wherever you are!

My project, in case anyone is still on blogger!

So I wasn't in class to present my project (had the flu pretty bad) , which changed from last class because I kind of ruined the printed out word pieces with the hot glue! As in, they weren't readable, and I burned myself with it so there was no way I wanted to keep going with it. Besides that I liked how it was going... here's a pre-hot glue photo

And here's what I ended up doing with the photos.. I hope you can read the writing or click to zoom on the photos, not sure how Blogger works with this.

Put them on thick paper and then I bound them together. It's not as "artsy" as before, but it keeps things safe so it's functional at least, and honestly more like me. Function>Appearance


I decided to make something tangible for my journal transformation since I enjoy things that I can touch rather than just look at, similar to how I like to read books in my hand rather than on the computer or kindle devices. The meaning of this project for me is to step outside of my comfort zone and make something that other people will see as a representation of myself. Some of you have asked what my feelings are as I'm making this project, and they're all over the place. I've been really frustrated at trying to get things to stay in the same place, or tie the pieces of wood together through the netting because I don't feel very patient. On the other hand, I enjoyed learning different knots that are used on sailboats and trying to apply them to this project, so that's a plus! When I tried gluing the written print outs to the back of the photos, I had pretty sad and angry thoughts like "This is why you can't make anything," which I knew was just a negative voice and told it to go away ;) I was angry at the hot glue because it hurt, even though I was the one controlling it and burned myself, but anger isn't exactly rational, I mean people get mad at the craziest things, and hot glue isn't even up there compared to some things. I was happy to challenge myself in a simple way and just try, and even learning to accept that it might not work was a challenge. Accepting that this was too frustrating to do alone and making something more practical, but then after I made the practical and functional piece, I realized that I could have just asked an artsy fartsy friend to help me out with it instead! Next time... Some people asked "What can you learn from this project," and I think I just answered that, I learned about myself and how to deal with my thoughts and emotions that came up whether or not they were rational. Someone asked, "What's the ultimate potential?" The ultimate potential is that maybe I'll just get all my thoughts and feelings for each photo I take throughout certain moments in my life and have someone else put it all together for me :D I also included rough dates and locations of each photo and some thoughts and meanings they have to me... soo enjoy!

PS I'm just now able to really function again after being sick & literally dehydrated (going to eat some real food tonight!), so I hope this is all in order and makes sense. I also hope you guys get a chance to check it outtttt. Enjoy the weekend/break!

Project Draft

This thing is probably not going to look how I envisioned it, but that's okay. Here's what I have so far:

It's definitely inexpensive! :D I just figured I'd post it here instead of figuring out how to bring it to school in my backpack, on my bike. Anywho! I've been thinking which journal entry I feel comfortable sharing that relates to my themes of freedom and death, and I decided to give up and just pick one randomly by opening my journal to any page last night... yikes! I regretted it for awhile, but then... meh. Who cares?

Journal Transformation

So, I want to make my journal transformation thing-a-ma-gig tangible, but I'm very critical about my creative side, which means it's going to bring up a lot of those negative inner critics: "You think you can do this? You can't, you're not creative." Well, bring it on brain! It's worth a shot, and at least it's impossible to come out as bad as my karaoke the other night.

I made one rule for myself on this project: spend little to no money. Then I had to figure out common themes in my journal, and the most prevalent ones were freedom and death. I know, those are pretty broad, but let me give you an example: whenever I wrote about sexuality, the main concepts were freedom, intimacy and sometimes babies, which then somehow lead to death anxiety. I wouldn't say I have a morbid journal because death is a common theme, but I'm sure it sounds that way. To clarify, I have a lot of fear about death when things are going well in my life, and lately things are going too well for comfort, so my anxiety is through the roof.

What's the project? All this rambling and I haven't mentioned the idea: driftwood tied together with rope or twine, and fish net with some photos and trinkets that are journal related. I Googled driftwood photo projects and found some on Pintrest, but they mostly used clothespins.  Anyway, I chose these because the project needs to be based around the ocean, which to me is a symbol of life, death and freedom. The ocean and dying from drowning or being eaten by sea creatures is also one of my biggest fears that I've slowly been challenging by snorkeling, surfing, swimming, sailing, and any other water related activity that starts with s... except scuba diving. Not quite there yet!

The driftwood can symbolize the journey or life and death since it was a tree at some point, whatever floats yer boat. The fish net is what I get caught up in along the way, whether it's good or bad, and the photos are snapshots of my journey. The twine is what connects everything spiritually, like the water and air.

Basically, it's just a bunch of cheap shit put together to mean something to me, whether that means anything to you or not doesn't really matter, I guess. Maybe you think this idea is bullshit, and maybe you're right, but I'm going to do it for myself and see how it ends up.

Ethnographic Writing

Khan's paper on ethnographic writing was an important reminder on how word choice is crucial when writing about others because they can really affect a person psychologically, and in his case, ruin a friendship with a previous professor. In this type of writing, feedback is necessary, and you will write and revise constantly until it is written in a way that the message will come across clear and hopefully unoffensive. Unfortunately, in my opinion at least, you will likely offend someone along the way, and it can take away from the reality and feel of a situation if you reword it too safely. I thought the most imprtant part was to understand how the participants understand the events, and how they relate or differ from your understanding of the events.

For Kawulich, the importance of taking qualitative data, to observe then collect data strategially reminded me of Applied Behavior Analysis in the sense of recording data and looking for something narrow to focus on. Kawulich's observation notes tis and strategies were also somewhat similar, but one major difference is that in ethnographic writing and observation, you want to blend in, and in ABA you don't blend in.


I keep travel journals, but my mind completely spaced on that during the first few weeks of this quarter. My mind tends to forget things no matter how obvious they are. Last night was a good example of that; I had passed a friend on my way to dinner, and then texted her thinking that she was still on the boat. She just came over and laughed at how quickly I forgot. That usually happens when I have a lot on my mind and am stressed out about the things I need to get done. Btw, I've been spending the past week or so on a boat sailing in French Polynesia, where you would think there is wifi... but very few places have it unless you're at one of the fancy hotels.There's supposed to be wifi onboard, but for some reason the connection is nonexistant out here. First world problems? I've personally enjoyed the lack of devices and internet, except for today, where I'm sitting alone in the yacht club on a computer connected to wifi. Not that I'm complaining of where I'm at, because I'm very lucky to be here, but it's just a cut-off feeling from life out here. I would rather be in a town picking out fresh caught tuna hanging from branches, playing soccer with friends and locals, hiking or being in the water. Side note: there is a huge difference between local housing and tourist hotels like many other tropical islands. For some reason, I pictured one of the top honeymoon destinations, Bora Bora, to have better living conditions for the locals. What surprised me more was that some, not all, locals didn't care for what I consider better living conditions.

This definitely isn't ethnographic writing because I'm not taking time to revise anything or get feedback. I'm just writing down some thoughts.

Button, Bullough & Bones

 In Goldberg’s writing, the poems that were taken from a collection written by women who are developmentally disabled were interesting to read. I was imagining what their handwritten poems looked like, and wondered if they were similar to Jessica’s (a developmentally disabled woman I’ve worked with for years).  “Give Me a White” was funny, but I wondered what “white” meant to her when she wrote “Please give Marion Pinski a white”, and if white and write were similar or not. I’ve noticed in Jessica’s writing that she writes other words that sound similar to each other, like “bear” instead of “beer” or "six" and "sex." Those are just examples, not saying they are real life examples of hers or not. It doesn’t really matter though, because the poems are written without worrying of being grammatically correct, and to be able to write more free-flowing like that is great. I also liked how she talked about obsessions, how everyone has them, and how important it is to get them out of your system before writing the piece you want, and so you can be slowed down to pay attention to details. Similar to the Button reading, noticing details and being observant in a way that we normally aren’t is important in creating a piece of art.

I thought it was important for Taylor to educate himself on the biology of the plants, insects and fungi that he was painting. It connected him to them more because he understood the processes of how they coexist, and learn their life cycles of growth and decay, and even just understanding the age of the tree and how much history has happened during it’s lifetime. I liked how he moved on to water, and at the end mentioned observing the water "as if you have never seen it before." I wanted to see some of the water paintings and found this:

I’m also glad that I read Bullough’s before Botton because I had a hard time distancing myself from the Botton reading, and appreciating it, so I read it four times the past week. The way Botton wrote this on painting made me feel like I was there next to Taylor as he painted (once I was able to separate myself).  The transitions also didn’t feel rough the fourth time!

RLW

Mike Bunn’s writing was friendly to read, which makes understanding the content easier, but he didn’t want you to just understand the content. He wants you to RLW, read like a writer. When I first saw that, I thought, “What does that mean?” It means that when you read something, it will make you feel a certain way depending on how it is written. Bunn wants you to identify how author’s create these feelings in the way they write. He wants you to know techniques do they use, and how effective they are, then think of whether or not you would have done the same. Think of how you want to write and what feelings you want your reader to feel. Context, purpose and audience are very important factors to think about while you read. Then once you identify them, think about if you would have the same audience and purpose. What would you want to write about? That’s what Bunn is trying to get us, his readers, to do. I think. How effective is their writing, and how do they transition from ideas? Then think of how you would make it more effective, or what transitions you might use. Maybe they’re the same as the authors. Maybe you have your own style for each piece you write, or maybe you use different styles depending on your purpose. Basically, the writer gets to decide all of these, and Bunn is trying to teach upcoming writers how to find their style and make it as effective as possible. I’m not completely sure that I followed his advice in this blog since I have no transitions.